Dating a closeted
And coming out only because you are dating someone and you require someone to be by your side? Telling guys you want them to be there as you come out before you even start dating is definitely going to be a turn off.
If you're already out to your friends and family, you don't have to call them up and pretend you're straight. But it probably does mean that your closeted partner will want you to avoid acting like their sweetheart in some situations.
Conversely, these relationships require significant compromise, sacrifice, flexibility, and inhibition on the part of the more out partner at a juncture in their lives where they’ve spent great energy growing out of the closet with their identity development.
As my partner was closing up his conversation with his co-worker, he immediately went to a different checkout machine to scan the items he had in his hands so that his co-worker wouldn’t know he and I were together. He has made me feel special and cherished, and, instead of feeling like a dirty little secret, he’s made me feel like a celebrity — as everyone in the small town he’d resided would recognize and greet me with affection in a way I’d never experienced before.
It was at that moment that a flood of memories of other times I’d been dismissed as his partner all those years we’d been together came to mind that I’d brushed off or minimized. I didn’t want to be a dirty little secret anymore, and that’s what it felt like I’d been relegated to. I’d never really realized before how I was still actually partially in the closet being in the previous relationship despite my belief that I was an out man.
The most jarring and hurtful moment was when we were shopping at a grocery store one day.
As we were standing in the line for self-serve checkout, both of us with items in our hands, a man and his wife approached my partner and greeted him happily and with surprise at running into him.